Sunday, December 8, 2019

A habit I wish I did not have

We all are our own best judges. Everyone has that one habit they wished they did not have. Here’s mine.
I am a very open person. I normally do stuff right from my heart. I love to connect with people and I want people to love me. I end up being a people pleaser.
I find it very hard to say NO. And I end up taking more than I can handle. I really wish I could stop saying YES to everything that anyone asks me to do.
Even my son knows that I end up saying yes to everything that is asked of me. Why else would he answer “My Mom!” when his teacher asked in the class, “Whose parents have extra time on hand to help out with the PTA?” And that too at a time in my life when he knew I was struggling to find that fine balance between the two major aspects of my life – Family and Business. He had seen me juggling my work, putting on the occasional acrobatic hat, when I had too much going on at both ends. I was striving to do everything for everyone. And ended up not even realizing I did not have time for me.
Even on my Business front, I had taken up too much. It was not a business then, but a hobby. But that did not need any less time. I was travelling all over India teaching, plus writing a blog, writing patterns, making quilts, making small stuff to exhibit and sell at a craft fair and trying to help other women grow their passions into profits! No wonder I never felt successful during that time. I was doing too many things and none of them up to my own expectations. 
I was always disappointed in myself, as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister and also as a mentor, a teacher and an employer. I had hired two women to work in my studio but I did not have enough work for them, while I was complaining that I had too much on my plate.
I started meditating in January. I started with just 2 minutes of guided meditation and it has helped me a lot. Today I meditate for 15 minutes when I wake up and 15 minutes before I go to bed. Since started, I got my thoughts streamlined. That is what helped me realize that I was trying to be everything that everyone wanted me to be, except what I wanted to be.
That prompted me to make conscious efforts to start saying no. I honestly tried to say no, when I was not sure I could do something. I could not do it every time, but whatever little progress I made, it made my life a little easier.
I still struggle with the habit. Even today, I find myself saying YES to a number of things that I should avoid. I actually have a physical difficulty while saying NO! The other day, I knew my day was completely packed and that I did not have even one spare moment but when my Mother-in-law asked me to pick up something from the town for her, I said YES, even before I could make myself say NO! That time my mind was screaming NO! But my mouth had a different mind altogether! And not that she had to have it brought that day! It was a task that was not on priority. It could have waited a couple of days! Only if I had said NO!
I am looking at the big picture and trying to say NO to one thing everyday. That helps me feel good about myself. My goal is to say NO to 5 things every week (at least). Do I do it? Not every week. But at least I’m training my mind (and my mouth) to say NO!
What is the habit that you wish you did not have?

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